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We Are Our Own Saviors

by Headless Relatives

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1.
Arithmomania 03:36
We count beads like vampires Nights spent huddled side by side Shifting twos and fives on homemade abici Pale faced and bleary eyed Watch for patterns in the strands Sort each according to its kind Record the numbers on yellow paper Make lists and sublists in our minds Count each hair on my body If you miss one start again I will take my turn and number yours And count each freckle on your skin Count things up on your fingers When you run out use your toes Count up all the things that frighten you The lists me make will keep us close Don't stop until the work is done Our numerology is delicate Don't stop until the work is done Our taxonomy is intricate We count beads like vampires Nights spent huddled side by side Shifting twos and fives on homemade abici Pale faced and bleary eyed
2.
Death Hymn 02:54
A child knows nothing about death Especially when it's all around No time to grieve Counting bodies on the ground See an arm sticking up Try to trace it to its source A child's game can resist This strong entropic force Innocence won't keep you alive But it just might keep you sane Share a bed with a stranger But never learn their name When they're gone you'll inherit More space for you to claim Eat the food that you're given Don't question where it comes from Pale band on your mother's finger The price of bread for her son Innocence won't keep you alive But it just might keep you sane
3.
Sing with me my love And I'll feed you mouth to mouth As the birds sit on the fence Behind the house And alone at last I'll trace Patterns on your skin And confess my love Along with all my sins And behind this thin facade Of matching masks and crests We'll pretend our way of life is best Gather seeds But be careful not to choke Hide them all In your crimson cloak We're refugees who don't know The songs of this town But we've never let that Get us down And behind this thin facade Of matching masks and crests We'll pretend our way of life is best And we'll wear proudly Our matching masks and crests Who's to say that our way of life is not the best?
4.
Made my way to the store That always smells of incense And browsed through all the racks Looking for a defense And I was strapped for cash But I got what I could I couldn't afford the best I couldn't even afford the good Just a pack of healing stones and six dollar bones Back in my quiet room I spread out all my tools And whispered to the night "Have pity on this fool." Half a tarot deck And some miswritten runes Some tea leaves past their prime Saucer cup and spoon And a pack of healing stones and six dollar bones But nothing happened then And I'm no better off No signs for me to follow No stars to shine aloft And I'm used to being cracked I've never been whole But I'm tearing at the seams And I would sell my soul For a pack of healing stones and six dollar bones
5.
They came before the dawn They snatched us from our beds They stood us up in ranks Rain falling on our heads My pulse sped up its pace But the enemy I fear Is the wolf among our fold And I feel him drawing near I didn't ask to come to the proving ground I didn't ask to join the crowd Sheep are missing clothes Someone's foaming at the mouth It won't be long 'til blood is spilt This whole plan is going south They make us toe the line And face us toward the fire Their howling waxes fierce As they push us toward the pyre I didn't ask to come to the proving ground I didn't ask to join the crowd I didn't ask to come to the proving ground I didn't ask to get knocked down But nobody is safe When the wolf has his way And he's the one who invited us to play And nobody is spared When the wolf pulls the strings But it's the only way that we feel anything I didn't ask to come to the proving ground I didn't ask to join the crowd I didn't ask to come to the proving ground I didn't ask to get knocked down I didn't ask to come to the proving ground I didn't ask to join the crowd I didn't ask to come to the proving ground But it's the only game in town
6.
Homesick 04:09
Drowning in the quiet Of another lonely day My head is hanging low With the words I'll never say And the crickets in the woods And the questions in my brain Are harmonizing now And it's driving me insane I pour another drink The spirits mock my fear They won't let me forget That I'm not wanted here The vodka burns like Hell Almost makes me feel at peace But the lightning bugs outside Make me ill at ease It's not the demons that I fear They won't attack their own Set a place for me in Hell Someday I'll be home The voices in the night Are calling me by name But I don't really mind I'm kind of glad they came I'll exercise my demons Let them stretch their wings They've been kept inside too long And I know confinement stings I've been secluded in the dark Because the light it burns my eyes And the sun's accusing stare Cuts through my disguise But the face beneath my mask Is faded from disuse And my horns are pointing in I feel at home with self abuse It's not the demons that I fear They won't attack their own Set a place for me in Hell Someday I'll be home
7.
When I was not so lost I cared for the dead But now the violent waves Crash over my head And I'm nothing more than flotsam Of purpose now bereft And my wrappings all sink bloated To the ocean's frigid depths Alone adrift I ride the wrathful waves The sea was never It was never my domain Some people call the sea mother But I was never her child And now she's hoarding all my treasures In her icy domicile And I'm nothing more than flotsam Of purpose now bereft And my wrappings all sink bloated To the ocean's frigid depths Alone adrift I ride the wrathful waves The sea was never It was never my domain
8.
The first five beers Don't absolve my guilt And although I know the result will be the same I drink another five And when I still want to smash my face Against the wall I pour a glass of whiskey Let it burn my throat But I can't escape The burning image Of my fangs Dripping with blood and saliva When I close my eyes The vision just gets clearer And the alcohol Refuses to blur the details I am a beast I am a monster I am drunk now But I call you on the phone Because I am looking For absolution But I can't tell you What it is I've done And you can't forgive What you don't know about I get down on my knees And I try to pray But my mouth won't form words To a god I don't believe in anymore So I call you again Blubbering I am slurring all my words But it wouldn't matter anyway I am a beast I am a monster And my guilt Refuses to be vocalized And you're the last person on earth That I would want to know about it
9.
The hot sands can kill you But it's the phantom sirens That you really need to fear They will lure you to the red wastes Because they know that you Are beyond their clutches here But it takes little to escape them Weave rushes into mats Braid palm leaves for hours on end Wait for serenity to descend Don't speak too often Don't ever raise your voice And never start a fight And don't forget to make the brown bread It can last us months If you do it right And whenever you are idle Weave rushes into mats Braid palm leaves for hours on end Wait for serenity to descend The hot sands can kill you But it's the phantom sirens That you really need to fear They will lure you to the red wastes But don't worry You're beyond their clutches here
10.
I walked out to the street Said I was going to the store But we both knew I wasn't brining back Anything we needed anymore And as I passed a quiet house I felt my face turn red My ears rang silent alarms As I replayed the words we'd said And lying on the ground I saw a stone perfect and round So I picked it up I looked into the window But I just saw my silhouette And I cursed the glass for bringing back to light Things I would much rather forget And I looked down at the stone Waiting in my hand And suddenly knew beyond a shadow of a doubt What it had planned And so I hurled the stone at last Light caught the edges of the glass So I picked it up The jagged edges pierced my skin And I laughed all alone I had absolved all our sins I saw the sacrificial stone And I picked it up
11.
Sitting in silence as we drive down the New Jersey Turnpike Watching empty landscapes rush by Beside the road there always seems to be construction And I begin to wonder why I begin to wonder why Half finished bridges stand deserted on a Sunday No one to tend to concrete And suddenly I feel like we're driving through history Something that's never quite complete It's never quite complete Concrete pillars standing tall A temple deserted With no one left around to pray But we'll heed the silent call Though our course be diverted We could use a blessing today As we run away I grip your hand as we roll further from all our friends A new life waiting now Car full of animals that we just can't live without We'll make it through somehow We'll make it through somehow New Jersey's ugly when you drive through it like we do But we don't really care 'Cause like the overpasses that don't span the whole gap We're suspended in air Suspended in air Concrete pillars standing tall A temple deserted With no one left around to pray But we'll heed the silent call Though our course be diverted We could use a blessing today As we run away
12.
The strain was unbearable I couldn't take another day So I drove off into the night I just had to get away And I took the corner too fast Where the old headstones drown In a lake of grass Down at the edge of town I saw headlights wax brighter As I slid into the oncoming lane And my brakes gave out And in that moment I almost felt sane I spun the wheel And careened off the road And hit the memorial Of someone forgotten long ago My head hit the wheel I bit my tongue And yet somehow I knew that I had won I sat laughing with a mouth full of blood Goddammit I felt good! I dragged myself out of the car And sat on the grass And then I just lay down Mindless of the shards of glass I listened to the choking sound Coming from under the hood And got this sudden urge To take off into the woods I pulled off my new shoes No need for them anymore I heard someone yelling But it was easy to ignore And I felt trapped in my clothes So I broke free And I ran naked Through the tall oak trees The branches grasped Ripped up my skin Yet I knew that this was the way to begin I ran laughing with a mouth full of blood Goddammit I felt good! For one holy hour I didn't feel any fear And you can't touch that feeling When you spend all your time around here I was laughing with a mouth full of blood Goddammit I felt good!

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We Are Our Own Saviors is the first "proper" album for Headless Relatives. These twelve songs are about redemption, although not in the traditional religious sense. These songs are about loneliness, fear, anxiety, paranoia, guilt, and ultimately about how we find significance through struggle.

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released February 4, 2013

All Music and Lyrics by Seth A. Smith. Original photograph for cover taken from commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Barnes_Cemetery_decapitated_angel.jpg

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Headless Relatives Glens Falls, New York

Headless Relatives play songs. These songs feature desperate individuals, bittersweet memories, and ancient Egyptian gods. Some of these songs can be found here.

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